Redefined Timeline

Using G Adventures‘ touring services, the Husband traveled to Southeast Asia in March/April 2023. I had previously been advised to use a tour company for this part of the world for a better experience due to the language barrier challenges. We were supposed to depart on this tour back in September 2020, but alas, COVID reared its ugly head, and it was cancelled each time we rescheduled it. Seventh time is the charm, I suppose? Starting in Ho Chi Minh City, winding around Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand, we would be vacationing for sixteen days, concluding on the beaches of Thailand. A few of the high points would be Angkor Wat, Phnom Penh, Siem Reap, and limestone rocks abutting crystal clear waters along the beaches in Thailand.

Let’s begin with Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam… If Saigon had a theme song, it would only comprise of a harmonic symphony of horns. No matter what time of day, the city was marked by a cacophony of car wails… from the “meep meep” of motorbikes to the shrill whine from cars to the throaty blast of trucks. As any city motorist knows, lots of honking generally also means chaotic circumstances. That was certainly the case here. I’m not sure which was more challenging, driving the city or walking it. Both took some practice and suicidal tendencies. 

The most common mode of transportation was two-wheeled – either motorbikes or mopeds. Cars, vans, trucks and bicycles are all intermixed in the pandemonium. Here in the (mostly) orderly driving habits of the States, people abide by the rules of the road, well… considerate drivers do. We observe lane markings, mind traffic signals, and one way roads are one way roads. Watching vehicles move along a large avenue in Saigon reminded me of a swarm of bees, or a mass of wildebeests and zebras fleeing a predator during the migration on the Serengeti. There were some consistencies noted, as shocking as it was. Turn signals must be utilized when signaling a driver was intending to pass on the left. However, indicating any sort of turn does not require any notification, simply slam on your brakes and hope the person behind you was being prudent with their observation skills and responds in a timely manner. One way streets are never actually one way streets. Stop lights are merely a suggestion. Upon turning red, expect a dozen vehicles (in each “lane”) to run it all while the direction governed by green also enters the intersection. Nothing could go wrong there! Lane lines are nonexistent, go where your vehicle fits. No need checking to see if there’s oncoming traffic when passing, just drive into oncoming traffic without looking. Just assume the other automobiles will get out of the way. One final rule… sirens on an ambulance are permitted to be ignored in heavy traffic. The drivers of said emergency vehicles just need to learn to fight their way through in a more successful way!

Pedestrians face an entirely different dilemma. How do you cross the road when your destination is on the other side? Insert: Real life frogger. Do not assume the operators of the cars will stop for you at a marked cross walk (if you can even find one) because they won’t. However, the motorbike operators are surprisingly agile and alert. The trick was zig-zagging across the street in the tiniest of gaps. The drivers adeptly dodge to the left and right to help avoid collisions. It took some practice, but we finally got the hang of it.

I promise Vietnam has more going on for it than simply dodging psychotic motorists. We also got to partake of a My Tho Mekong delta tour, replete with canoe rides, dancing, food and “food,” bees, and a monkey bridge.

The Mekong Delta dominates the southwestern portion of Vietnam. Mekong means Nine Dragons River Delta, or Đồng Bằng Sông Mê Kông. Don’t ask me how to even attempt to pronounce that. Inhabitants in the region date back until at least the 4th century BC with a very storied history of invasions, revolts and incursions. The delta is largely made up of flat flood plains, and two large distributary channels that all dump into the East Sea. One-hundred-sixty tons of sediment flow through the waters, which is a stark contrast to the clear waters surrounding Thailand. Due to flooding and rising sea levels, experts suspect much of the plains will be underwater by 2030. The river is mostly fresh water, except during monsoon season when salt water is introduced into the river because of the squalls. It becomes brackish and cloudy during that time. Honestly, I don’t think it’s ever remotely clear.

Our group hopped aboard a small dingy to navigate the channels of the many randomly named islands. The guide pointed out the surrounding archipelagos, including Unicorn Island, Dragon Island, Ibis Island, and Turtle Island. Our first destination was Unicorn, where we would get a freshly prepared fruit appetizer with a [participation] show, accompanied by a canoe ride to another part of the island for bee tea. 

That was some of the freshest, most delectable fruit I have ever consumed. I wish I could recall the name of one particular chunk of fleshy goodness that I kept going back for. It was an orgasm in my mouth. While most of us were scarfing down the harvest, the locals regaled us with information about their traditional song and dance. The songs are about daily life in the delta – one performed was about a horse, the next was a love song, then strolling through the rice fields, and finally they mixed it up with “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!”  They made a slight attempt to force the dancing on me, but I am a fat kid at heart, and they failed at tearing me away from the delectable fruits in front of me.

The festivities were not over there. Next, we hopped aboard canoes piloted by elderly women with gnarled hands. I felt like I should take the oar and help paddle for fear of her having a sudden heart attack. Alas, they navigated us to our destination successfully. Oh, and one must not forget the colorful, pointed hats they secured to our heads for the ride. All that pomp and circumstance just to transport us to yet another part of the island for tea made of honey, bee pollen, and cumquat doused with hot water. It was… interesting. The honey, referred to a Royal Jelly since only the queen bee consumes it, is allegedly the reason the queen lives forty times longer than worker bees. Those that were feeling brave were allowed to play with the bees. I tend to care little for angering insects that can either bite or sting me, and instead I elected to cross the Monkey Bridge – a questionable contraption that crossed the murky waters in the channels below. Questionable activities in the physical realm are more up my alley!

Another pit stop was at a coconut plantation called Dat Dua where we were introduced to the wonders of coconut candy. The candies are made using water coconuts. These are smaller than the typical nuts one thinks of, as these have no liquid inside, only flesh. I was far less copious with my note taking during this portion of the tour, and my memory is failing me with regards to the actual processing of the coconuts.  Quick and dirty version… they’re opened, de-fleshed and put through some jerry-rigged machine(s). The result is a molasses-like substance that is hand rolled and cut into pieces. Those are then hand-wrapped in paper denoting the flavor of each taffy. Hey, I remembered more than I thought! The husband and I may have purchased a pallet’s worth of the sugary sweets. Only a few lasted the duration of the trip. Oops? Naw, I have no regrets!

A few other highlights of this stop… Snake wine with a literal cobra floating in the alcoholic liquid. Who thinks to make a “drinkable” substance using a venomous serpent? The vino was a whole new level of burn going down the gullet… shocker, I know. Our guide informed us it was highly potent, stating, “One people drink, two people happy,” and winked. I’m going to die here, aren’t I?

Next activity – a terrifying ride in a tuk tuk took us down a single-laned road with plenty of other traffic coming the opposite direction. Enter flash backs of Ho Chi Minh City strolling. We didn’t die and were deposited at our next destination, a small restaurant, for lunch. I gorged on elephant ear fish, a steam-fried fish that’s important to the Mekong delta (in what way, I don’t recall over a year later).  A few others ordered pineapple rice, by far the prettiest dish of the day. The carved out pineapple served as the bowl, and the meal was extremely photogenic. The entire group snapped stills of the meal. While visually appealing, the taste was apparently very underwhelming. One of our group members laughed at those with the optically attractive meal while slurping up their own amalgamation, stating, “Anyone want to take a photo of my asparagus soup?” Followed by, “At least mine tastes good!” 

The following day we would be motoring and walking over the border into Cambodia. Although, the Hubs and I almost did not get to experience the remainder of the tour due to alarm clock failures. I groggily awoke to Hubs urgently smacking my foot, screeching, “The alarm never went off!” With twelve minutes to frantically pack, get cleaned up, dressed, and high tail it downstairs, we barely made it on the bus.

Onward to Cambodia…