You can guess what a majority of this post is about. While typing it up, I said to the hubs, “This post is going to be almost entirely about coffee.” The coffee-loving Hubs responded emphatically with, “I’m good with that!”
Boquete is another popular place for ex-pats to retire to, so I was quite interested in visiting the area. Especially, after I had found multitudes of amazing looking homes for sale in the cooler mountain region at affordable prices, and it is along the Caldera River, surrounded by lush highlands. Sadly, the Hubs and I did not particularly care for Boquete as a permanent spot. However, don’t get me wrong, it’s a magnificent place to visit and hike.
We stayed in a quaint little hotel in a very large room with an open patio to relax on. It was aptly named El Oasis Hotel. The grounds surrounding the unique-looking hotel were picturesque gardens with a creek meandering throughout. Little nooks with benches overlooking the haven were scattered around. Throw in some ducks and coy fish and it was quite charming.
When asked if you would like to visit a coffee farm to learn about the blessed morning beverage, the answer should always be ‘yes.’ We vanned up to Cafetales Don Alfredo – La Milagrosa. I took copious notes as the son, Felix, of the deceased former owner, Tito, schooled us about the caffeinated drink. Legend had it that man discovered coffee trees, consumed the berries, and realized he had more energy to pray. Man then took them to the priest, who referred to them as ‘evil’, and tossed them in a fire. A well known (nowadays) smell emanated from the burning embers that caused the man to collect the berries to make tea. Thus, coffee was born.
The farm was farther up into the mountains. Everything about the operation appeared incredibly basic. Half of the “buildings” were simply wood supported tarps. Because of germs and invasive creatures tourists bring with them, we were only allowed to enter certain parts of the plantation. La Roya fungus spreads quickly and decimates the coffee trees. Another fungus rendered the country void of cashew trees for the last eight years. Damn dirty tourist. Oh wait…
The business was once rendered bankrupt by large companies, as Tito broke all the rules of coffee cultivating and preparation by planting on a former cow pasture. On top of that, he pruned the trees every five years, as opposed to every other year, so the plants increased from living forty years to four-hundred. This particular farm used zero insecticides, opening the plants up to destruction by grasshoppers and moths eating the leaves. Birds quickly learned this farm opted not to keep the insects at bay, and then paraded around the place ingesting all of those pesky bugs. Chickens were utilized to eat all of the dry leaves underneath the trees to help with water getting to the roots. Back to the coffee berries…
After being cleaned and sorted, the coffee berries (yes, berries) are sun dried in full sun (three days of full sun were required for optimal coffee-age). Once dry, the bad beans were hand-picked and tossed away. Bigger coffee roasting companies machine dry the berries, but this one cut no corners. Felix said delicious coffee is roasted at high pressure with hot air in order to maintain the flavor profile. Panamanian coffee is the only java in the world that smells and tastes like chocolate. Italians do not grow their own, they only process what they purchase, and the brew tends to all be burnt. Much like Starbucks – their awful “coffee” is always burned. Per Felix, Starbucks really is the devil and only out for marketing profit.
We were given a tour of the production facility and provided many tasting options. They still used old fashioned peeling machines, and they repurposed other gadgets to complete other parts of the production line. Everything from transmission parts, alternators, light defusers, and an old meat grill. Felix roasted for us on site, and we got to ingest multiple different blends, including everything from blond to their version of dark roast. Felix said we should, “slurp it, gurgle it, smell it,” for each of the cups we drank. He even managed a batch of Geisha, which is a more traditional, washed process with lemongrass, offering a cleaner taste. My favorite was the brewed tea from the berries. Felix said it best, “Coffee is not food, it will never be considered food. It’s a commodity.” It was a delightful, caffeine-fueled afternoon, and Felix left us with these parting words, “If I can’t sleep later, that’s what whiskey is for,” followed by maniacal laughter.
A few pointers from the coffee gurus: Do not boil more than thirty seconds (professional machines boil for 17 seconds for peak performance); do not keep coffee on a heating surface more than 5 minutes or the flavor and composition will change, becoming very acidic; and lastly, NEVER REHEAT COFFEE NO MATTER WHAT.
A few (that is an understatement) facts about coffee:
- Second most traded commodity in the world, taking a back seat to only oil
- Order of drinks consumed most in the world: Water then tea then coffee then Coca Cola
- 10.5 million tons are consumed per year
- Starbucks dark roast marketing ploy is a scam – darkest roast on the market today, and also the one with the least amount of caffeine (only 15-16% remains in the beverage)
- Cold brew coffee is good for 15 days
- Oily coffee is the only coffee that should be stored in the freezer, no others. Bagged/sealed coffee can keep for one year
- Felix says it is the best refrigerator cleaner ever
- Blond roast contains the most caffeine and is made of half raw, half roasted berries
- The longer the roast, the less the caffeine
Given our airplane prize of many cans of booze, combined with the wonderful patio outside or room, we opted to sit outside in the cool breezes of the mountains. While out for an evening stroll, Rafa stumbled upon us, so we told him to join us. The remainder of the night was spent hanging out and chatting with Rafa. Guides are people too. He’s a rock climber, and apparently a very good one. He worked as a guide to pay for that activity, and maybe someday business. He even openly admitted to two cops that, “I’m super happy to be a pot smoker.” He also, much like many of the other drivers the hubs and I have encountered during the course of our careers, thinks he drives better while stoned. His one liners continued when he said, “I don’t eat sea food, only fish and shrimp.” That was a head scratcher. It was a memorable night.
By the end of our stay in Boquete, my ear had still not resolved itself like the first doc had claimed it would. Once again, I found myself Googling medical clinics in the area. With a mere hour before the bus would leave us behind, the hubs and I sprinted to a clinic. This establishment was only Spanish speaking, but through Google translate and poor Spanish skills, we limped through my consultation. They agreed to flush my ear out. Now I know why my hearing had been so compromised. The first flush pulled out a boatload of salt water, shell fragments and sand. Hallelujah! I could hear again. The second time they squirted cleaner into my ear, a little more gunk exited and my hearing disappeared again. Third time was the charm, the remainder of the particles drained out. Forty-five dolares later, we literally ran back to the hotel to load our bags and bodies onto the vehicle. While I do have a photo of the third flush, I won’t torture anyone with the muck in my ear.
Now, back to the coast, just the one on the opposite side of Panama… to the Pacific side!